Zach Beane (xach) wrote,
Yesterday around 4PM the phone rang, and came up UNKNOWN NUMBER on the caller id. Those are never worth answering, but I picked up anyway.

Hello? "Hello, this is Jack," said a heavily accented voice, "This is the second call about the slow performance and possible virus problems of your Windows PC."

I don't have one of those, is what I thought, but what I said was, Ok, yeah, I have had a lot of problems lately. "Well sir I am calling to assist you with those problems, is the PC on right now?" Yeah, sure. "Ok, sir, can you please go to your PC."

Ok, I'm at my PC. "Now in the LOWER, LEFT corner of the screen, do you see a Windows button?" Windows button? What's that? "It looks like a flag." What color flag? "It is a flag in the corner." Which corner? What color is it?

Jack is starting to sigh. "In the LOWER, LEFT corner." I don't see a button anywhere. "It is in the corner sir." OH! I see the button!

Jack gets happier. "Now do you see Computer or My Computer in the menu that pops up?" I don't see any menu. "You have to click the Windows button." Where is that? More sighs. "In the lower left corner." OH! Ok, I clicked it! "Do you see Computer or My Computer in the menu?" I can't see YOUR computer! I'm at my house! "No, do you see COMPUTER, or do you see MY COMPUTER?" I can't see your computer, that doesn't make any sense!

Jack sighs some more. "What do you see for menus?" OH! I see Computer there! "Ok, can you right-click on Computer, and..." I closed the menu. Sigh, sigh. "Can you open the menu again and right-click on..." Where am I supposed to write it?

I can't stop laughing any more, so I interrupt Jack and ask him how dumb he thinks I am. "VERY DUMB!" He is pretty mad. Jack, who are you calling from, who do you represent? "I am calling from Afghanistan!" And what company are you calling from? "I am Mozilla Firefox!" And what are you trying to do? "I am trying to HACK YOUR COMPUTER!" I just laugh and wish him good luck, and he says "Go to hell, you bastard!" and hangs up.
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